I feel a catharsis coming on finally. Last week was a rather difficult week, between dealing with a new class, fielding all of the balls in my court (all of that bullshit like turning in forms and doing laundry and paying bills), and missing him so incredibly much that I can physically feel it. We had an amazing conversation last night though. It's peculiar, but there are certain things that he does that make me so...happy...is the only rather trite word I can think of to explain it. They're all rather silly things, too, like when he sighs when he's put out about something inconsequential, or the way his voice drops an octave when he's telling me something about the two of us. I curl up on my bed in the exact position I would if he were here, but instead of a warm body I have to settle with a cold medium of communication, a modicum of comfort every evening. But that's what I have, and although I might long for more, that is what I'll cherish. I will not scoff at the fact that I fall asleep smiling each night.
The days are a walking reflection of the happiness from the evening before. I wake up looking to the world around me for reinforcement of my mood, and today I have found just what I needed. Spring is here, at least for a week. I can tell, not because of the way the thermometer is reading 73, and not because of the birdsong which I did not realize was gone until now that it's back, but because of the smell--the whole campus smells fresh, green, and alive. It makes me feel like singing (even if all I can think about is sharing each exquisite moment with him), and I will. On campus, in the newly expanded daylight, I will sing the end of winter. And I will wear my little white cotton pleated skirt with a bold colored top, because I love it when my outfit matches my mood.

I would probably have a lot less laundry to do if I didn't have such fluctuating emotions...